The whole story

I am writing all this down, because I still can't believe how devious a human being she turned out to be. I still wish I could help her out of the mess she is driving herself in deeper and deeper and to make her see true happiness one day, but it seems impossible at this point. Losing her has left a big black hole in my life and I can't do anything but stare into it.

I got to know her via an ad for language exchange. We met for a tea(April 2012), walked the streets of Madrid and quickly became a couple. I was surprised how quickly she agreed to do an excursion to the mountains just with me, but didn't think much of it. I caught her first lies at this point already, but said nothing(She said this was the first time she was doing something like this, when actually I had received a mail from her before, which I never answered).

She told me that she cheated on guys before and that she thought that was ok. That was a big warning sign, which I ignored thinking that I bring all the patience to fix her and that she will see how nice things can be. I also had offered her an open relationship, to which she replied that she wanted a monogamous relationship, because she wanted me only for herself. I liked that answer and it quelled my worries a bit.


So went our strange relationship where I would only see her for short amounts of time during weekends because she was always 'busy', but those short times were awesome. Her excuses for this didn't seem to make sense to me, but after some time we started chatting daily on Skype and even when we were travelling together she received calls from her father about contract related things, so in the end it seemed believable, maybe lawyers really had such fucked up lives.

After I think something like 10 months I thought that I should do language exchange again since she almost never spoke Spanish to me and I had all this free time that I would have liked to spend with her but couldn't since she was 'busy'. So wrote a new ad and met another girl. It was going to be a nice evening, first I met the language exchange girl and then would meet her. I still remember how happy I was that I would see her that night. However when I told her that I had met a girl for language exchange she exploded. She told me I shouldn't play games with her and that I shouldn't meet other girls, because I would fall in love with them. I was perplexed about where this odd thinking came from. My suspicions awoke again, but I tried to be fair and thought maybe that came from the past. I also always thought that maybe she had a terrible breakup before or similar. So I agreed to not meet girls anymore which was the end of my social life, since usually you encounter girls at some point when you are with guys and I am not into the typical guy things: cars, football, beer. I always thought this would get better, it would be worth it to go through all this madness to build a foundation for a good relationship once we would be through her fears of me being the evil stereotypical guy.
She used that same reasoning for why she never invited me to her home, because, so she said, I would just end up cheating with her sister.

This I realized later was the way she built her lies. She uses stereotypes to her advantage whenever she can. So she is the innocent girl that needs protection from evil cheating men(and her family has fallen on hard times). She said if she would get caught stealing things in a store she would just cry so they wouldn't do anything (and she also knows exactly how far she can go due to her studies as to never get into trouble with the police). Then she also always made it seem like things could become better, by tellling me she wanted to see me more often, that we could do things together (but she never could have done any of that, because she kept me a total secret from her friends family and everything). Me the fool that I was, always tried to help her and make her feel better I sometimes secretly sneaked money into her purse when she went to the bathroom I tried to help her in every way I could.

At some point she came to me telling me she wanted to emigrate with me. I loved the thought finally living together with her, travelling around with her. I started to plan for that future which we came down to start this October(2013).

During all this time she destroyed many of our travel plans for odd reasons or made things more expensive by having us wait for the last moment or similar. Later I would find out the true reasons for all this. Then she told me that she wanted to go to Paris for three months to work in a cabinet about three weeks before she actually did and asked how I would see that for our relationship. Of course I said that we would stay together and that I would visit her. Then she said if we trust each other it'll work out.
Then things became super strange and she was 'stressed' all the time about finding a flat. so it was impossible to see her again before she left, but one time she suddenly left our Skype conversation to wax her legs. I wondered how it is possible that she waxes her legs when is so stressed that we can't even meet up? I left the house for a walk in her area and oh surprise. I saw her meeting a guy in front of a Rodilla(sandwich place), but I silently walked away and hoped that was just something else.

Then I received an anonymous mail which simply said: "Maria is cheating on you" and included a chat log of her with some other guy. At first I thought this was just some super odd spam and deleted it, but it kept going in my head. Then I headed to Paris for the first time bringing along a gift( a smartphone) to make her life easier, she should have gotten before going there, but that was impossible due to her 'unavailability'.

It was a very nice weekend but I had to rent a hotel for us because she was supposedly sharing her room with a Japanese girl(that never existed). She also found a lot of excuses to not invite me to the flat.
Apart from that the weekend was very nice. The second month I was going to come for 5 days for a trip together. She came up with ridiculous lies on why it was better to not happen shortly before I booked(after she had stalled forever before, because she had to do some research). She tried to make time run out, but one weekend I just said don't worry, I'll just book the flights. She then faked another anger session about me pressing her (she had done that before leaving to Paris as well) and it was completely ridiculous, because like that time before. I wasn't pressing her at all. I was only asking or offering possibilities to rid her of stress.
So I said I thought she had planned a trip with someone else already. She admitted that but made it another lie telling me she was going to a girls home in the Bretagne. (the truth was she went with her flatmate, a guy) (even more amazingly I found out later, the weekend before she was with another guy and then me the next weekend) Then she said I wouldn't really want to make her feel guilty about that, right? Uhm, yes one should feel guilty about treating people like that.

I tried to talk about her issues with her to which she replied using another one of her deflective mannerisms: "You don't really know me, if you think that!" Now I know, that I was spot on with what I told her back then.

I then came the following weekend (I had to book another hotel room, like every weekend) and this time it rained a lot, so we spent too much time in the hotel, while she watched TV she lent me her laptop and I went on to gather evidence and there I found that chat log which I had received by mail before. I was able to gather a lot of things that time (but only was able to really look at them when I was back). I was in an emotional turmoil already, but decided to wait. That weekend was horrible for the rain, for the evidence and because she convinced me to go by metro without ticket. She said if they'd catch me I could just pretend to be the foreigner and they'd let me go. I felt that was kind of just because due to the failure of the public transport I lost about 70 €uros one night for a train that didn't come and for an overpriced taxi afterwards. Only then I had to pay 50 €uros more...

The following week it seemed she was gone with someone again, because she had ignored messages and wasn't online anymore (It also would make sense since she had to use the holidays she got at some point as well).

I had checked the evidence when I was back in Madrid and was utterly broken. I had pictures of her with other guys and mails(but at least most was dated before my time). I saw that she was looking for jobs in France when she told me she wasn't. I also suspected that she had plans with another guy for Canada. I decided however to visit her one last time in Paris and try to talk.

When I finally saw her again in Paris she was awesome. She was so very nice and I loved every moment of it, but at points I put hints out there for her to be warned. At night she talked in her sleep and said she loved me for the first time and with such emotion in her voice I had never heard before.
The next morning we went on a hike with people she found over the Internet. She always had pretended to be shy and that she had problems getting to know people, but that was clearly not so. She also told people things which didn't match the stories she had told me and later told me that was just to make conversation(Really? You lie to to make conversation? That doesn't make sense. Why would saying the truth not be making conversation?) The evening came and she didn't keep any of the promises she had made again, because suddenly she was tired after I helped her with a problem she had... At that point I collapsed. It was too much. I confronted her, she denied everything. The only thing I got her to say was that the guy from the chat log was 'private' after previously denying his existance. She then was tired and went on to sleep again. I couldn't take it anymore and took a few bad decisions.

I took her backpack, to take her keys so that I could sleep in her room instead of the hotel and the whole backpack in order to transport some things I had yet to consume(she didn't need that she only used it for the hiking and normally transported it in her trolley). I also thought as a backup plan I take some of her money to cover at least some of the damage she did to me ( I was really short on cash, because flights+ hotels alone ate half of my salary and one third of it goes into rent, so you can imagine there isn't much left after food etc). I planned to talk to her about that when she would come to her flat.
However at some point she got up and noticed the missing backpack ( I was in the bathroom) and an endless 'discussion' followed during which I gave back everything, except the money which I had forgotten about already. Then we slept(well I couldn't). So I decided to inform the other guys I knew of.

In the morning I was deadly tired and she noticed the missing money. Now she had something to hang me on. I was 'disgusting' for stealing from her and so on anything else didn't matter anymore. I tried to get things back on track for a solution.. I didn't want to lose her even though things looked hopeless. I told her to whom I wrote(as best as I could remember) and she said I had done her damage...!

Then she started with a slur of things which just didn't make any sense anymore. She started to say things like; "you see if you had nude pictures of me, you would have posted them online", and: "I never invited you home, because family is sacred I don't invite anyone there ever".
She then tried to play the morale high ground saying she'd never do things like that to me(when she had done way worse things already..). I also don't mind it. I would give her the email addresses of everyone in my family and she could write to anyone.
She also started to say that I wanted to hurt her now. That's so not true. I wanted her to get out of the mess she created. I wanted to help her and be happy. I wanted her to stop running from her own lies. I still want the best for her(but I don't think living in a cloak of lies is the best), I still want to be with her, silly as that is.

I tried to give back the money I had taken + more to make up for what she accused me of but really never was my plan. However at first she wouldn't take it, then she took only her part. Then she asked me for my phone searching through all of it, walking around. Then she gave it back, only she had stolen my SIM and wouldn't give it back. I could do nothing.

Then came the closest thing to an apology I got from her. She said everyone in her family was doing it, her sister would have cheated on her current boyfriend during the first week already. To that I only say everyone is responsible for their own actions. She knew very well what she was doing. In fact I strongly suspect that she planned for it all the time. She told me if we moved together, she sometimes would need time for herself. I know that whenever she pretended to have done something alone expecially in regard to travel, she didn't. At times she was with me, at others she was traveling with other guys. She tries to portray the strong independent girl in that regard. The truth is she isn't she is weak and hurt inside and instead of trying to overcome that, she hurts others. Which is what she did again, as if she hadn't hurt me enough already, she then said: "Other guys paid everything for her." Nothing that I did matters, because I didn't pay enough?
She also started to make up crazy stories that I would have been cheating on her as well that she had read mails(which is simply impossible, I never cheated anyone in my life nor will I ever do that)

Then she left me to a horrible day in Paris, which I spent sitting with homeless people staring into the emptiness. The next morning I returned to Madrid. Then during that week she still wasn't done with making me feel miserable. After odd mail accusations, she came up with an odd ploy. She acccused me of having stolen her accounts (email/skype/FB). Of course I didn't, so I thought this was a chance that we could talk peacefully again and offered her my help. She then fell silent for the rest of the day until in the evening she said she had prepared a criminal claim against me. I thought this was just ludicrous, but since she is a lawyer and she has keys to the flat(thus easily being able to plant evidence) I was worried(and hurt on how far she'd go) and I replied that I thought that was crazy, but ok, in return I'd send a mail to her friends and family. She said she wouldn't care. So in a frenzy I wrote up a small summary (forgetting a lot of her cruelty) and started to send it to people always with her in copy at some point of which she replied that I wouldn't really want to do that and that she didn't really file the claim. Yes it was true I didn't want to do this all I wanted was to fix things somehow but she drove me to a point where I was just too destroyed to think clearly. So after her mail I stopped sending it out. She asked me to tell her to whom I sent the mail and to send them a mail, that it was just joke. I declined that, because for one I didn't trust her anymore that she wouldn't go on with her madness and second I am certainly not going to lie for her. She didn't budge on anything. She robbed me, made me feel miserable and just kept asking me for favours. Later I found out, that she then told people that she had a virus which sent out those mails(not everyone believed her on that, but way too many it seems, especially from the guys she cheated with). And that was it after that I never heard from her again leaving me to feel terrible.

Also during the whole criminal claim madness I contacted another guy and was shocked. Not only was she cheating me, she was also cheating with me. She had been with another guy for almost 7 years. It was incredible how she kept herself busy with guys. A weekend one, then traveling with another, the next weekend I. No wonder she was tired so much. To organize and hide all this insanity must be taxing. After all this she dared to try and make me feel miserable when I tried to talk about things. She succeeded I feel miserable to this day. Still I catch myself thinking that maybe it was somehow my fault, when she was cheating me from day one. I also don't understand how people don't notice her lies. Many things she said simply didn't match up with reality. I wish I could do something, but I am just a helpless fool and want to hold her in my arms.

One thing she told me when she said she cheated before, was every guy had missed something, so she needed another one. Well this is part of how she excuses it to herself. There were endless things we had planned together but never did, because it was impossible to keep me hidden like that. The truth is she misses something herself. Courage and integrity. She tries to fill her inner lackings with affection from others.

Her behaviour is deeply rooted in the personal problems and insecurities(sorry for not detailing this, because I think it would be relevant to point them out, but I don't want this to be demeaning) she has.
It would have been so easy to overcome them, but she doesn't face them. She just keeps running away and in the end she ran too fast for me. I had some success though, she had become much more emotionally stable, which I guess just makes her even more dangerous now. :(

I miss her good parts very much, we enjoyed much of the same things and I wish there was a chance so that we could work on her problems to overcome them, but all I get from her is anger and accusations or rather now nothing as she ignores me now/has blocked me everywhere.