I spent a lot of time in solitary thinking on lonesome roads, perhaps too much. Now I spend my last days in Madrid. After the last events in this nightmare I have decided that it is best to leave Madrid - and Spain.
Just leaving the flat is an improvement, but I don't want to run into her by chance and have her go crazy, that is something I could not bear(Also she is still a lawyer and who knows what she could come up with). And I think it's very likely that we would run into each other, we might end up in the same teteria by chance for example. Just now I have been to one, we once were looking for, but never found. It would have been nice to find it together with her, she would have liked it.
Last but not least, there are all the memories. I have to get away from here at least for a while and maybe more time and distance will make her consider sharing another cup of tea, watching a movie in bed or buying apples together again.
So first I'll pay my parents a short visit (I think she would have liked the place as well) in Germany and then either India and afterwards New Zealand or New Zealand directly. I'll be reviving my travel blog in the next weeks.
I have also decided to try and make something positive out of this blog. I will write more about this when/if possible, but I will not take the road everyone else seems to travel. People who get hurt start to protect themselves, go down the ego road to avoid similar things from happening in the future. I will not do this. I think those who fall should not be mocked for being clumsy, people should help them up, those who are uneducated should not be belittled for their lack of education instead they should be educated. I will leave my guard and if that means the one who fell into the mud was playing a rouse to pull me down into it as well, then so be it. Rather that than losing myself. I wonder what people think about this?
Maria ... I wish I would wake up from this nightmare.
