Dreams

I met many kinds of people during my travels and sometimes you meet someone who fought for his dreams and made them come true.

I met a guy who has been traveling for 20 years now and still doesn't want to stop. He is the living example that you don't have to live a life that you hate. That you can make your dreams come true. I wish María would see that, I wish she had been here.

My dream is simple I want to see that smile again. I wrote her a short mail. It was hard and I had tears in my eyes while writing. I don't know if that mail makes her more angry again, but I also just miss her so badly I just want to know how she is. I had to write her. I am terribly afraid but I feel terrible anyway. To complicate things her birthday is coming up.

La sonrisa gallega

Recuerdo tu sonrisa, María
Es la cosa más bonita en este mundo. Recuerdo ti en mi ventana sonriendo. I think you never realized that you were smiling in that moment. It was the most beautiful thing to see.

You had that same smile on your face when you sat in my arms on a bench.

I wish I had the chance to make you smile like that again.

The wasp and the dragonfly

I saw a wasp killing a dragonfly. The dragonfly didn't stand a chance. It was wildly flapping the remaining wings while the wasp was chewing off a wing.
That is a bit how I feel. I know that I can't do anything to fix my life anymore because my happiness is in Maria's hands.
I am just watching it wither away.

Sometimes I still flap my wings hoping that she comes around, that she still can believe in something instead of wasting her life away in some office until late at night, but I am getting weaker and weaker feeling like I do now, more and more often just wanting it all to end.

Sometimes I still flap my wings.
Maria, I hope you don't hate me. I guess all I do in life is wrong. I only wanted to be at your side and see you be the best you can be. It was nice to hold you in my arms. It was the nicest thing in the world to kiss you. I won't recover from losing you and to my death I'll miss you.

I'm waiting for you who forgot me, so that we could be together again.

Her anonymous 'friend'

It seems he is getting active again, I received an email from a French provider with the subject line 'your lawyer' in three languages: English, French and Spanish.

However I deleted it without reading it, so I can't know for sure. Would be mighty strange for spam though. I don't even want to think about what that means if it is the anonymous 'friend'.

I wonder if she even still sometimes thinks of me. I guess if she'd even did once a month that she'd had had a very deep emotional connection to me in the end. Still she just threw it all away like I was nothing. I want to fight to get back together but she doesn't let me. She has my unconditional love like she wanted and now I'm here hurt without end waiting and hoping that maybe she has a change of heart and it's at least willing to talk. There are years in my eyes while I'm writing this.

Maria I miss you, I love you more than life and you know that. I'd do everything for you.

The black peak

I spent the last two days in solitude(except for an old man I met in one of the huts, I had a break in). I climbed up a peak without taking any water(luckily there was snow, so I had something to drink the snow was awesome actually, I almost wanted to stay longer to 'drink' more) and left my message as you can see in the picture I did the same at a natural shelter (which I dubbed Maria shelter) and in other random places. Silly I know, but it's true.

At least up there on the top the message should stay for a while. It's difficult to get there and not on marked tracks.

Had I died the pain would be over at least. Now I'm writing messages to her that she never will read, feeling worse every day. Oh Maria I wish I could talk to you again and see your beautiful lips moving.

Ayer

He pasado el día sentado en un silla de piedra en el salvaje pensando en ella.

I wish I could have been sitting there together with her.

That last bit of hope

..that I cling to. It's stretched out so thin but it's the only thing that keeps me going.

The whole thing would be hilarious for an observer. She throwing away all her chances, so that she can keep going on down the road to perdition. I wanting to make her happy waiting for her till the end.

Oh Maria, te quiero.