Goodbye Europe!

I will be leaving Europe on Monday and won't be back for a long time it seems. So I don't know when I will next have the chance to post here. I definitely will at some point, because I see that even after almost half a year she is still in my mind all the time.
I think of her in the morning, and in the evening and when I wake up at night and I just would like to do something nice for her and see her happy.

In any event, I have added a link to my travel blog on the right, as I'll presumably be posting more often there. Still I am interested in debate around this topic, criticism, suggestions, or hearing the stories of others, or even comments by those who cheated. So tell me what you think!
Note that it should be possible to comment anonymously.

Cheaters cheat themselves

After having decided where you stand, you may want to find out if your suspicions are actually facts. So how can you find out?

Now something you could do would be to read up on personality traits which are common in people who cheat, but this would only be one more indicator and not proof. There are countless options (i.e. you could hire a private eye), but the most simple thing to do is just to wait and watch carefully. While I had an anonymous tipster I suspected cheating for a long time and this even though she was cheating from the beginning. She was giving herself away.
At some point a cheater will stumble over their own lies or attempts to hide their cheating. It's just a matter of time. She was contradicting herself and things were just illogical. Things she said she did are not things she would have done or she even said she would never and did never do things in way in which we actually did them together.
The problem someone who cheats faces is that they need to create an alternative reality and in doing so they will get lost in that reality at some point. They probably start to believe parts of it themselves because (most) people's brains simply can't handle this and so false memories are created and they might even start telling you that they are like this or that when they aren't. Cheaters cheat themselves and so give themself away and deprive themself of real happiness.

So just be yourself and watch your partner carefully.

P.S. Just the fact that you are suspecting probably means you are on to something. Trust your senses! Often people try to make you doubt them, telling you just imagined something or similar. The truth however is that you are more often right than wrong when you heard or saw or smelled something. Humans probably wouldn't have gotten very far if their senses were as bad as some people try to make you believe.

Creeping suspicions

This post talks about the first steps to take when suspicions arise

So you are suspecting that you are being cheated and you want to know what's going on. However that is probably not what you want to do right now. You don't want to end up doing something you will regret later on. You probably don't want to end up like a colleague I had.

This colleague always said I should forget María and move on and all sorts of not so nice things about María. One day however my colleague admitted that she split up with a guy more than 5 years ago and she was still scouring the net for information on what he was doing. She said that was just curiosity. Move forward a few weeks and her ex apparently had started a new relationship with some girl and suddenly my colleague was totally shattered and super sad(even though she has a new boyfriend). So I don't know if she never realized it herself or if she just pretended to not care anymore, but she obviously still cares very much about him. I learned from quite a few people that they are in a similar boat. Everyone seems to pretend that they are all fine and dandy but when something bad happens to you and you are honest about how you feel, suddenly everyone slowly comes forth with that ex they really miss, like I miss María.
This is why you should first carefully think about where you want to go if your suspicions are true.

I didn't do that, I was completely unprepared and so made mistakes I could have avoided. The moment you actually know that your partner is cheating you, things are completely different and suddenly all these emotions will come and cloud your judgment and then when you confront your partner, it will be even worse.

Look at yourself and your relationship. Is your partner someone you would see yourself missing? Just don't end up realizing that one day while you find yourself 'just being curious about your ex'...

Now and then

I hope that one day the blog could be a joint blog by Maria and I, being together again. In reality however I haven't heard or seen anything from her for quite some time now and I think the best thing I can do is wait and see if she approaches me, who knows what crazy thing would happen next, if I tried(although now that I am not in Spain I should be quite safe).

So I will try and make the best I can of this blog. I read a lot about cheating and cheaters and what the best way to handle the situation is when you are the victim and decided I want to discuss the possibilty of saving a relationship after you find out that you have been cheated. It would also be nice to hear opinions from others who maybe are even in a similar situation.

In the next weeks I'll also see if I find the time to work on my travel blog again before I actually go for the next big adventure in december.