At first I was very angry on how she has treated me(and still is treating me) and I do think that she should pay some price somehow, because apparently there is no other way to make her see that she can't play with people's lives like this. Maybe this blog will help in that by making it known?
Then I often find myself wondering if it was somehow my fault and search for things I did wrong until I remember that she had been cheating from day one.
However I also know that I miss her and the good times we had together when she wasn't preoccupied with other things...
I have been told it's fucked up to want her back but at the same time point out the wrongs she did and try and confront her with that. What other option do I have though(and I don't see that as fucked up). I would like us to get back together, but for that to ever work out, she has to make amends, if she doesn't, than the same thing is going to happen again.
So in the end after thinking carefully and too much about it, after all the damage she did to me and my life. I still would like to give us a chance. Yes, people tell me I am better off without her, that she is a sociopath and that I should move on, but I want to fight for this to work out. Maybe it's best for ME to get away and let her go on this way, but I don't think it's right to give up on people so quickly and easily. At some point a problem should be fixed and not handed down to others and I just want to hold her in my arms again. It seems like a battle I cannot win, but I have to try.
Ironically I received the result from bloodtests and have high testosterone levels, which usually goes along with acting the way she does (i.e. aggressiveness, cheating but not the deceptions and similar). Only I am completely not like that.
I am wondering how I always have to end up in shitty situations like that despite my best intentions. It seems that everything I do is doomed.
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